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What did the mathatition do when he had constapation?
Worked it out with a pencile!

pete and mary were walking home from the pub, mary says i need a piss and goes behind a bush and drops her knickers. feeling horny pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between marys legs.he says “have you changed your sex?” mary says “no, ive changed my mind, im having a shit.”

Superman was randomly flying around when he saw wonderwoman completely naked ontop of a building, he thought to himself.. I know il fly down there fuck her then fly off… so he did, flew down there fucked her quickly and flew off… wonderwoman shouted WTF WAS THAT, and the invisible man ontop of her said i dunno but my arse fucking hurts!!

A blonde goes into PC world looking for curtains, the assistant says to her “you don’t need curtains for a computer…” the blonde replies: “But mine has windows?”

What type of fun does a priest have?
Nun

Why do women marry Gunners (arsenal fans)?
Cause they stay on top for ages but always come second

Quoted from kolox

I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico last night when I asked if anyone had the time.

It was absolute carnage.

Niiiiice.:D

i was wondering if the ball was getting bigger.. then it hit me

A guys walks on a beach and spots a crying girl with no arms or legs. Comes up to her and asks:
-Why are you crying?
-Because I’m 21 and I have never been kissed by a guy ;(
He comes up to her and gives her a very romantic kiss. Few seconds later she cries again. The guy asks:
-What happened now? why are you crying again?
-Because I’m 21 and I never got screwed by a guy
So he picks her up, makes few steps into the water and dumps her in.
-Well now you did

Quoted from Sketch

now your thinking it was racist. lol

Do you know why Stevie Wonder can’t read?

Quoted from V3n05

So this woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cage that has a tag in front of it. The tag says erotic frogs. So she decides since she is all lonely to buy one. She goes to the cashier and goes home. She opens up the instructions and reads them off to herself.

1. Take a shower
2. Put on some nice perfume
3. Get into a sexy nightgown
4. Place the frog on the bed and wait

So she follows the instructions to the dot and nothing is happening. She calls the emergency phone number on the card and it was the cashier. She says to him, “Hi, I did everything the instructions told me to do, but the frog won’t do anything.” The cashier replies, “Hold on, I’ll be there soon.”

10 minutes later, he gets to the house and rings the doorbell. She opens up the door and says, “Thank God your finally here. He isn’t doing anything.” And at that she holds up the frog to the cashier. The cashier looks to the frog and says, “Watch, because I’m only gonna show you one more time.”

Get it? Lol

BTW, if you didn’t find this funny, you are probably not old enough for the joke.

It wasn’t funny.

Quoted from V3n05

So this woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cage that has a tag in front of it. The tag says erotic frogs. So she decides since she is all lonely to buy one. She goes to the cashier and goes home. She opens up the instructions and reads them off to herself.

1. Take a shower
2. Put on some nice perfume
3. Get into a sexy nightgown
4. Place the frog on the bed and wait

So she follows the instructions to the dot and nothing is happening. She calls the emergency phone number on the card and it was the cashier. She says to him, “Hi, I did everything the instructions told me to do, but the frog won’t do anything.” The cashier replies, “Hold on, I’ll be there soon.”

10 minutes later, he gets to the house and rings the doorbell. She opens up the door and says, “Thank God your finally here. He isn’t doing anything.” And at that she holds up the frog to the cashier. The cashier looks to the frog and says, “Watch, because I’m only gonna show you one more time.”

Get it? Lol

BTW, if you didn’t find this funny, you are probably not old enough for the joke.

This actually a good one :D

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now.