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Rejection
Created 4th August 2013 @ 00:58
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As a person who was a friend to his ex gf for three years, I can only tell you – it’s wonderful and absolutely terrible at the same time.
You can remain her good, honest and best friend if you want, but it comes with a great price – and she will probably never pay a single dime (metaphorically). From “big talks” about dreams and future, to “little talks” where you argue how good/bad are those snacks and beer you just bought, nothing or very little will change. You will pay the price of every meeting, you will go home empty knowing you did your best and nothing changed. She will get a ton of advices, a best friend who would do anything for her, but you will get nothing in return. You can show that friendship into your ass, to be honest, because it will not make you happy – not completely.
Your situation is specific, as was mine, but it comes down to the same thing – you want different stuff. Don’t hold a grudge on her, as I stupidly did, it’s not her fault. Your feelings are not going to change if you stay near her and mate *reality check*, you will be messed up if you need to hear about her new boyfriend, or even more – if you realize that he is an utter prick.
@ arc – breaking a friendship like that would be selfish but honest. If you have feelings for someone, you need to show it. If it’s not working, good luck staying a good and non bitter friend who likes to hear about other boyfriends.
First off fishyard – congratulations on asking her, that takes courage! If you take one thing away from this, then it’s that you put yourself out there and took a risk, that’s a victory.
She has however said no, but she just wants to be friends. That’s good too! She doesn’t hate you, she still likes you but she just doesn’t think of you romantically. No one in the world has ever complained about having too many friends, so don’t view just being friends as a loss or a bad thing. A girl ‘friend-zoning’ a guy is a horribly misogynistic term of phrase. The only one who’s going to hurt you by remaining friends is yourself, if you’re not careful about how you feel. If you end up just remaining friends because you still want more than that, then you’re going to get hurt in ways sidestep has suggested.
The best thing you can do is talk to her. If you feel like you need a bit of time and space to adjust, then tell her that. If ultimately you can’t deal with the thought of being just friends with her, then tell her that. Don’t bottle it up inside and hope that ‘maybe’ things will change. You’re lying to yourself and lying to her if you keep being friends for reasons other than just being friends. You both deserve more respect than that. Your feelings for her won’t go away overnight, but given time things will probably get back to normal between you two, if you work at it. Be honest and be nice and be happy and don’t forget that she’s a human being with just as many feelings as you have.
Quoted from SnowiE
…don’t forget that she’s a human being with just as many feelings as you have.
A recent study has shown this statement to be totally untrue. Females are cold blooded creatures, vastly different to the Human male in almost every respect.
Being cold blooded, they shall constantly complain about being cold and lounge around in the sun for vast periods of time in a desperate attempt to raise their blood temperature a degree or two…
You’ve all seen the TV show ‘V’ right? Just sayin’.
Quoted from Monkeh
lounge around in the sun for vast periods of time
I’m guilty of this too, gotta get that tan for lan bro!
Why do men keep putting me in the girlfriend zone? – the other side of the coin.
Monkeh, I think a simple http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m573/Biffwellington_welldone/history-channel-hd-aliens-thumb.jpg would have sufficed
Quoted from SnowiE
Why do men keep putting me in the girlfriend zone? – the other side of the coin.
MFW whoever wrote that thinks “he asked me on a date” means “he doesn’t actually care about me as a person after all”.
Its ok to be a bit sad…
But you should lose contact to her. It will make it much easier to get over it.
Otherwise you hope for more and will get rejected again :/
You should move on.
From my expierence the best way to get over someone is being extremly active and busy with other stuff so that you don’t have too much time to think and just let time pass.
Do sports, meet friends and be social etc. etc. Just don’t sit around alone, thinking about her.
Soon you will look back and smile about it :)
Last edited by easyGame,
Quoted from zen1th
Monkeh, I think a simple http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m573/Biffwellington_welldone/history-channel-hd-aliens-thumb.jpg would have sufficed
Ahhh, I love that guy. He dabes. “Ancient Aliens” on the history channel is where I found him. He’s ace.
HE’S ALSO RIGHT GUISE…..
Quoted from almightybob
[…]
MFW whoever wrote that thinks “he asked me on a date” means “he doesn’t actually care about me as a person after all”.
The article is perhaps a tiny bit mean on guys for being attracted to girls in the first place, but the main point they’re getting at is that (as you can see on this thread) most guy’s reaction to the rejection of a romantic advance is to abandon the friendship and shut the girl out of their lives. “Manning up” and “growing some balls” equates to running away and hiding from the problem instead of dealing with it in a grown up way. Maybe working through your feelings and coming out a better person is a better idea (not that anyone is saying it’s easy!).
Quoted from SnowiE
[…]
The article is perhaps a tiny bit mean on guys for being attracted to girls in the first place, but the main point they’re getting at is that (as you can see on this thread) most guy’s reaction to the rejection of a romantic advance is to abandon the friendship and shut the girl out of their lives. “Manning up” and “growing some balls” equates to running away and hiding from the problem instead of dealing with it in a grown up way. Maybe working through your feelings and coming out a better person is a better idea (not that anyone is saying it’s easy!).
why make it harder for yourself? say a guy has strong feelings for a girl but they’re just remaining friends, and it’s absolutely crippling the guy every day of his life because he knows they’ll never be more than just friends. how can you say that keeping oneself in that position is the better option? “working through your feelings”? to what end? no end.
fuck principles. be pragmatic. do what’s best for yourself. allowing your feelings to control you and make you miserable is not a “grown up” way of handling things
Quoted from Sylosin
why make it harder for yourself?
how can you say that AND play games competitively?
Quoted from Spike Himself
[…]
how can you say that AND play games competitively?
because in comp games it’s black and white: winning or losing. and if you were like me and got to a pretty high level (div2 is high right?) without major success, you can still look back and think “wow, I came a long way”
looking back on all that time you spent pining for one girl who never really wanted you is not time well spent. you can smile at how foolish you were, but I’d rather smile at the good times, not the bad
I quit TF2 for uni anyway :x
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