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A FRIENDLY REMINDER:

This topic, just like all others created by me, is super SERIOUS, only contains SERIOUS things and as such I would appreciate if you kept the comments as SERIOUS as possible. With that out of the way, I am Muuki and nobody gives a shit so I’ll just cut straight to the point.

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NUMBER # 1 ONE: Chessclub Techniques!
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Putting them as #1 has caused severe damage to my mental health but with the lack of good teams in prem, I am forced into this decision. A “team” with 2 players and 6 cheerleaders, this team dominates games with the power of their latvian dream duo, atomic and uubers. While they are busy carrying their team with the experience from the superior gamemode, their team is around blackmailing each other and ragequitting scrims. How long they will last on the #1 spot in my eyes is unsure, just like scissors’ sexuality. As the rest of the team is pretty much irrelevant in their success, they shall remain unnamed to avoid copyright issues.

Their sniper is quite solid though, and that’s a nice boon to have in this gamemode (see: kcot in KillSwitch season 5, Phroblem in Highpander season 6, inso in chessclub seasons 7-8. Anyone see the relation here?)

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NUMBER TWO: Highpander
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The “oldest team in prem” with 1 player remaining from the original roster, this team has multiple struggles at the moment, the first being losing kissakala on main scout spot. Other casualties include the loss of zoob and phroblem, their 2 good players from previous seasons who were able to carry this “superteam” into one championship out of 4 seasons.

This is only the start of the problems for this team. The combo consists of a meme, the saltiest brit of the entire world and a raging russian. A major force in the team, Grenjabob, is on suicide watch due to mental issues caused by the betrayal of StevePANDER, crushing the hearts of many by abandoning the team when they needed him the most. This was quickly fixed by the acquisition of Goreston; A pyro who is 1) better 2) actually british 3) brings the life experience of 43 years into the team.

However, to alleviate all these issues, Hildy Henry Hilton Hildreth Hitler Harris has picked up major forces to boost the capability of his team: Sideshow’s number #1 fanboy “Asttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt”, the Best 9v9 soldier as proven by raw facts, along with a sniper who can track through walls, giving him the name “tracker”.

What will become of this team shall remain to be seen.

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#3 Strong Opinions, also known as “le inside memes”
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This team was originally supposed to be rated between #1-2 but in a dream of mine I was given a vision which showed me the final rankings. The team is quite strong though; regularly dominating scrims against pretty much every other 9v9 team and securing easy 6 points from their week 1 official.

There is not much to say about this team apart from the fact that their best players are playing the worst classes: Stevepander on pyro, no matter how good he is, will -probably- not win you the championship (see: highpander) and having the 5th best UK 9v9 Demoman on Heavy is not a good way to utilize potential either. Other major players on actually useful classes in their team include their scout, thalash (anyone else see something here as well? a 6v6 player plays lolhl and is instantly class of the season) and toast on spy (i had to look this up since he’s not inso so i cant remember him). The rest of the team are some people who think (or do they) that they are good because they are in a prem roster.

Overall though, a strong team in my opinion (hehe) but I expect other top teams to catch up to them fairly soon.

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¤4 #Samsung galaxy owner b33p and his cronies
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Another team with potential, possessing a strong flank in the form of experienced 6v6 players Josh and sorex (again, strong flank with 6v6 players carrying a team? where have i seen this before), however the rest of the roster is quite lackluster. This can be seen in the complete lack of a spy on their team, having 3 different main medics and having b33p on the roster, effectively “shooting yourself in the brain” (quote from unknown source in twitch chat)

What the team lacks, however, is presence from the combo. Hidan and -insert sub here- just dont bring enough presence required to beat the top teams in officials, and no matter how hard he tries, Nesh is no rouHe.

A similar team to chessclub, however the strong parts in chess outweigh the strong parts in stacked, putting them at #4 in the -official- rankings. On a happy note though, Default hunting has become increasingly easier season by season so they will have a good chance of grabbing some ez points for that ETF2L prize money before b33p moves to another world.

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SPOT FIVE: dumpster_device + 8
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Fe | Hartzfartz | tf2pickup.net killed Klefsas with dumpster_device
Fe | Hartzfartz | tf2pickup.net killed Klefsas with dumpster_device
Fe | Hartzfartz | tf2pickup.net killed Klefsas with dumpster_device
Fe | Hartzfartz | tf2pickup.net killed Klefsas with dumpster_device

moving on

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номер 6: ВАСП ft. olBaabox
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Что ебать ты просто чертовски говорила обо мне, маленькая сука? Я тебе зкажу, я закончил вершину моего класса в ВДВ, и я принимал участие в многочисленных секретных рейдов на Аль-Каидой, и у меня есть более 300 подтвержденных убийств. Я тренировался в парижском войны, и я сверху снайпер в целых российских вооруженных сил. Вы ничто для меня, но только другая цель. Я протрите тебе нахрен с точностью, подобных которым никогда не видели раньше на этой Земле, запомните мои чертовы слова. Вы думаете, что вы можете уйти с того, что дерьмо для меня через Интернет? Подумайте еще раз, ублюдок. Как мы говорим Я контактирую мой секретный сеть шпионов по всей России, и ваш IP-трассируется прямо сейчас, так что вам лучше подготовиться к шторму, козу. Шторм, который стирает жалкий небольшое вещь ты называеш твоя жизнь. Ты находишься чертовски мертвых, малыш. Я могу быть где угодно, в любое время, и я могу убить тебя в более семисот способами, и это только голыми руками. Я не только обучен приемам рукопашного боя, но у меня есть доступ ко всей арсенале Воздушно-десантные войска, и я буду использовать его в полной мере, чтобы вытереть задницу жалкий с лица континента, небольшое дерьма. Если бы только ты мог знать, что нечестивый возмездие ваш маленький “умный” комментарий был готов обрушить тебе, может быть, ты бы провели свой гребаный язык. Но ты не мог, ты не сделал, и теперь ты платишь цену, ты идиот проклятый. Я дерьмо ярость все над тобойи ты тонуть в нем. Ты находишься чертовски мертв, детка.

Moral of the story: Don’t cheat

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#7 Unpoppable, also known as “that other russian team”
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This team is not looking too hot (because i’ve never seen them play) but dont worry! Right at this moment for ONLY $500 (That’s right – Only five hundred american dollars) YOU can get ShaDowBurn a new pc so he can reclaim his place at the top of European Team Fortress Two. I could go on for hours about this team (I really can’t) but unless you donate your money for ShaDowBurn, they probably aren’t going to do hot enough to stay in premiership for the following seasons.

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And finally, last (and least) we have The Experiment.
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My only assumption about the name is that the team is an Experiment about whether or not he can carry his waifu and 7 dribblers enough so they can stay in prem. Sadly for Joe though, Demoman is no longer the class it was back in his glory days of itsallgood; how he thinks he can carry roban when he couldn’t even carry kKkKaltuuU is beyond me. Other great gamers on the team include Bloodis_ noob in div2 now noob in div prem; Forum hero Kaneco; XD and more memes.

A team lacking in synergy, talent, mechanical skills and gamesense: few players see a future for them, but let’s hope the team is a success for the sake of Leila’s and JoeNufC’s prospering relationship!

Stay tuned for class specific top3 rankings once I get around to doing that! Thanks for reading and have fun playing 6v6 and 9v9 at the same time while dealing with beggar’s bazookas (seriously nobodys forcing you to play this gamemode, get good and go play something more fun)

Last edited by Muuki, 8 years ago

good read my man

A++ would read again

actually amazing

Your finest work so far, Muuki.

22:46 – w//e Tomu: btw
22:46 – w//e Tomu: how can you make a top 3 class pick
22:46 – w//e Tomu: for pyro
22:46 – w//e Tomu: you’re playing solly
22:46 – w//e Tomu: so there isnt a number 1 pyro

now I know what I’m missing
goodbye hl

muuki/10